Everyone has a story and here is mine.
In 2002 my husband, Ray at age 40 was diagnosed with lung cancer that had metastasized into his brain, having twenty seven tumors. Sadly he was given six to eight months at best with aggressive full brain radiation and chemo. Happily he was a survivor for five years.
After his first year of survival the effects of all the chemo had worn off, our four children and I began to see the man we had remembered active and young, and what appeared to be healthy, though he still had lung and brain cancer.
He encouraged me to go back to school to get my bachelors degree. So with much reassurance of all my fears and concerns of the “what if’s” I jumped in head first. I was in school for three semesters when I Spring Break I noticed that he was napping a lot during the day, though the home would have never shown the lag in his ambition. Toward the end of the semester I noticed dementia was increasingly worse. We put all measures in place, home security, neighbors checking in, and many phone calls. It was at this time Transitions through Beloit Hospice stepped up and began their supportive services, which allowed me to finish out the semester. That semester ended, summer came and we saw hopeful changes. We had the best summer of our lives, filled with memories. By the end of summer, I knew that my place was with him at home. By early fall the dementia became significantly worse; pain control was now a daily endeavor. He was told that the cancer was now in his bones, back, spleen, and the 27 tumors in brain we growing rapidly. More radiation for pain management of the migraines meant more dementia.
Transitions got the ball rolling for services yet to come. Transitions, an extension of Hospice that allows the patient to continue treatment and not just palliative care as Hospice is. Transitions became a important service. We researched as many options as we could find for treatments, though sadly there were none. We were now faced with the reality, that after 5 years his fate was falling upon us rapidly. As he progressively worsened one by one our children were leaving to reside with their biological parents. One by one community programs stepped in to provide assistance for Ray’s daily living needs.
When I was calling a friend reaching out for support, I got the wrong number. It was in fact the exact phone number I needed, the Alzheimer Support of Rock County. The daily frustrations of the dementia were setting in. The anger of the disease, the hurt of all my losses, and the fear of my greatest loss had embarked onto the storm in my life. I was no longer being a mom, student, or a small business owner. I needed to find a purpose for all the loss and the biggest loss that was yet to come.
As I began to search for gratitude in the raging waters I knew that giving back would begin to calm the rage within me. I wanted to give back. I wanted to give back hope to wives, mothers, and children. I wanted to give back to all the volunteers, social workers, aids, and nurses that graciously befriended all of us to know that in the end it would be another loss for them to experience. I wanted to give back to those that answered the many phone calls that gave me advice, hope, and often some sanity. I wanted to give back to all those that encouraged my kids and made it safe for them to talk about all of their hurts, their anger, and their fears.
Thus, on Nov. 17, 2008 the Rock County Women’s Expo was born. Through the expo I could provide nonprofit organizations a place to raise awareness, volunteer support, and hopefully some funds. That became my passion and my saving grace. My husband Ray felt so honored and he was so proud of me, as he feebly strolled through with his walker the first year.
On January 10, 2008 Ray was admitted into the hospital for no chance of survival. He remained there for five days and clarity of where he was would come and go. Though, he had no doubt that he would return home. Ray did come home to remain bedridden for the next 5 months.
On April 27, 2008 Ray Key passed peacefully at home, surrounded by aides that volunteered their time to be here for me during his last hours. The Rock County Women’s Expo is in Memory of Ray Key. And it is to him that the thanks should go to. He was my driving force and my encourager.
I think I learned more those last six months than any other part of my life; I learned about love. What it was like to be truly loved and trusted and to truly love. I learned about unconditional love, commitment, and gratitude, and the joy, peace, and contentment that they give. I learned about loss and how to overcome the fear that causes the anger that can often becomes an anchor, not allowing us to move forward, but rocking back and forth between anger and fear. I learned that when I gave, I was awarded more than I could possibly have given. I learned about the dedication and the passion the people in the organizations have in our community and those they serve.
I hope that you will join the 2000 women that attend annually, to find resources available to you and your families. To find an organization that you could find a passion in serving through volunteering. To enjoy a day away, celebrating life and the memory of Ray Key whom is ultimately responsible for the great event!